


You mean everything to me

by softshumjr



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, They love each other so much, alec is the most supportive boyfriend, magnus is afraid to talk about his feelings, soft boyfriends, talking about aftermath of magnus losing his magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 00:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14738879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softshumjr/pseuds/softshumjr
Summary: The aftermath of Magnus losing his magic and Alec being healed by Catarina. Alec is trying to talk to Magnus, wanting to support him in everything. Everything that happened still hasn't sunk in in Magnus' mind. All he can think about is the feeling of helplessness.





	You mean everything to me

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr [@harryshmjr](http://harryshmjr.tumblr.com)

“Did it hurt?” Magnus heard a hoarse voice, breaking the silence in the room.

It was Alec. He finally woke up after hours of sleeping and resting. They were currently in one of Catarina’s guest bedrooms.

After Alec had been stabbed and Magnus couldn’t- there was nothing he could do. He only managed to call his best friend and ask for her help. She arrived immediately, working her magic on his boyfriend and then portalling all of them to her home so Alec could rest, and so she could step in if needed.

It was late when they arrived, but somehow Madzie was still awake. She brought them cookies and lemonade, so worried about her uncles. Not only about Alec who had almost died in a dirty alley, but also about Magnus. She was able to sense something wasn’t right, even if she couldn’t say for sure what had happened.

Magnus moved slowly, careful not to hurt Alec who was lying next to him in a king size bed. He looked pale because of the loss of blood.

“Alexander,” he whispered because somehow interrupting the silence felt wrong. “You’re okay,” he breathed out and moved a streak of hair from Alec’s forehead.

Alec gave him a small smile and winced when he tried to move to get closer to Magnus. “Are you?” he asked when he could finally face him, touching Magnus’ hand gently.

“Of course I am, all that matters is that you’re okay.”

There was a flush of relief going through Magnus’ body. Alec was okay. Alec was going to live. Seeing Alec lying on the ground, not being able to heal him… He had never felt so powerless in his entire life. All he could do was ask for help and carry Alec in his arms, praying that it wasn’t too late.

Alec moved his arm and put his hand on Magnus’ shoulder, like he wanted to rub circles, but he hissed in pain instead.

“I’ll get Catarina, you’re clearly in pain,” he said quickly and was about to stand up. He really tried not to think about the helplessness. That feeling that was with him the moment he noticed Alec with an arrow sticking out of his body, wanting to use his magic and being reminded that it was gone.

“Stay,” Alec whispered back. “Please.”

They stayed like that for what seemed to be hours, just lying next to each other, exchanging careful touches. Magnus kept thanking the universe for not taking Alec away, Alec who was the love of his life. Yes, Magnus wanted to take it slow, he wanted to enjoy every single moment with this amazing and beautiful man, but there was no doubt in his mind that Alec was the love of his life. And now it-

“Did it hurt?” Alec repeated the question.

Magnus came back from his thoughts and looked at his boyfriend. His big hazel eyes were staring right at him. There were black circles underneath them, a result of barely sleeping while trying to find a way to fight the Owl and rescue Jace.

“What do you mean?” Magnus replied with a question because talking about this was too difficult, he didn’t want to think about it, he wanted to bury this deep inside of him. Not that burying his feelings had ever worked, but he wasn’t ready, he couldn’t-

“Your magic. Magnus, I’m-“

“Please,” Magnus interrupted him and lowered his gaze, “don’t apologise. You have nothing to apologise for, I had to-“

“No,” this time Alec interrupted him. “You didn’t have to, I should’ve stopped you. Magic means everything to you,” a single tear was about to burst out.

Magnus took a long, deep breath. “ _You_ mean everything to me.”

They stayed silent, not really sure what else could be said. It happened. Magnus gave up his magic and now he had to live with the consequences. But there was no regret in his mind, he knew saving Jace would save Alec. And he could never go back to his father, not even his magic was worth it. 

The images of his time with Asmodeus kept flashing in his mind. Every time he used his magic for his own gain, every time he used it to hurt people who were in his way, every time he didn’t do anything when Asmodeus was acting like a true prince of hell. All the evil that was following both of them when they were together.

The guilt never left him, he blamed himself for staying with his father for so long, craving his approval. Because isn’t it what children are supposed to do? Make their parents proud? He didn’t know any better at the time, there was nobody who cared, there was nobody who loved him.

“It didn’t,” he finally said.

Alec blinked once, trying to remember their conversation, still struggling with concentration after the sedative magic of Catarina to ease his pain.

“When Asmodeus-“ his breath got caught in his throat, “when my father took it, it didn’t hurt. Not even one bit,” he laughed nervously. “You’d think stripping someone of their magic would hurt, but it didn’t.”

Alec stayed quiet, just waiting for Magnus to continue, he kept holding his hand in his own and that gave Magnus the courage to continue.

“It just felt… empty. I could feel my magic leaving my body and going into my father, I could feel I was getting weaker while he was growing more powerful. And then it was gone, just like that,” he closed his eyes to compose himself, he didn’t want to cry, there was nothing he could do about this now. “But suddenly I felt it going back to me, multiplied, I’ve never held so much power. I could feel it in every fibre of my body, wanting to be used.”

Alec moved on the bed and got closer to Magnus, now holding his hand next to his heart. And feeling his beating heart under the palm of his hand allowed Magnus to tell the rest of the story.

“I knew it was a one-time deal,” he said bitterly. “I got out of Edom and found you. And you were just… lying there,” he couldn’t stop the silent sob that escaped his mouth, “and I was so close to actually using it to heal you, the Owl be damned. But I had to- I had to fight him so he wouldn’t- wouldn’t hurt you again.”

Alec’s hand was caressing his cheek and Magnus leaned into the touch. The warmth that was radiating from Alec reminded him that he was okay, even if he wasn’t able to do anything about it, it worked out anyway. Alec was safe.

“I’m sorry,” he said without looking at Alec. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

Alec captured his lips in the softest kiss, barely a brush of lips. “You _did_ save me. And I didn’t deserve it. Your magic- we will get it back, I promise.” The determination in his voice was so evident, and Magnus always admired that about Alec. He was always willing to do anything to protect people that were important to him. Sometimes it still felt unreal that Alec considered him important, not many people did in his past.

“I’ll be okay, I promise.” Magnus tried to convey as much confidence as he could. Even when he didn’t believe this one bit, but he would try. For Alec.

Alec wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in his chest. Magnus finally felt like he could breathe again. If Catarina hadn’t been there on time-

“You’ll get your magic back. And you’ll get your immortality back,” Alec said again. Magnus didn’t know how Alec figured out that his immortality disappeared as soon as the rest of his magic left his body when he attacked the Owl. Magnus wasn’t even sure how he felt about this, it didn’t sink in yet. The thought that now every second mattered, every moment was gone so fast and it wouldn’t come back. He knew it would hit him. Soon. But right now he was focused on what was happening in that very moment.

He didn’t know what to say when he looked at Alec again. “I swear it to you, Magnus. You sacrificed so much.” Magnus was about to stop him here but Alec wasn’t finished. “This is who you are, this is why I love you,” he smiled softly. “You help everyone around you and you don’t expect anything in return. But you’re not alone, I will always be by your side. Let me do this, let me help you.”

“I love you so much.” That was the only thing he could say. He might’ve lost the biggest part of himself, something that was always with him, and something that he could always count on. But this time, this time he wasn’t alone, he didn’t have to do everything on his own. He might’ve lost his magic, but he didn’t lose the love of his boyfriend.

Maybe it wasn’t helpless after all when Alec Lightwood was by his side.


End file.
